Lesson Learned

Sometimes we find a new outlook in an unexpected place.

I had a recent bout with the drug Topamax, a seizure medicine used to manage migraines in adults. This medication made me completely stupid. The neurologist said “it might cause some mild problems with word finding”. Obviously this doctor had never taken Topamax. In the beginning it felt as if I was living in a fog, it was very difficult to process information. Side effects forced me to adapt and cope, all in hopes that the head pain, the dizziness, nausea, and sickness, would go away if I used the medicine. The worst part was the long lasting result of word finding difficulties. As a speech pathologist I rely on my words. I teach people to talk and give seminars for a living. Seriously, words have to come quickly, flow easily, and nothing less is tolerable. My patients have these symptoms, not me. The meds were in my system for almost 4 months, and then I decided the side effects were too much. I was fortunate to have the luxury of being allowed to make that decision. My patients do not have the ability to stop their symptoms.

I stumbled upon an abundance of insight because of this experience. Even in the midst of my migraine and medication provoked stupor I gained a new understanding for the people I encounter each day. These people have dementia often in early stages, some highly aware of the tribulations they face, others beyond that awareness, but at times, still frustrated with changes in their thinking, slowed cognition, lack of ability to express themselves. For the first time I held a fresh perspective. The embarrassment, the lack of desire to speak, the tendency to avoid specific situations, was a problem I now faced. I love being a presenter, but I dreaded every seminar I had to give, certain there would come a time during the day long event that I would make a joke about my lack of appropriate word retrieval. I am lucky to be able to make these symptoms go away. Just stop taking a pill. Dementia does not forgive so easily. The people I meet, do therapy with, and talk to, tell me that the symptoms are relentless, frustrating, and almost impossible to deal with.

The journey of Topamax allowed for a shift to occur in me. I’ve always believed that dementia was a terrible disease but now I had a small taste, very small, not even comparable, off its manifestations. I did not like it, and could not accept it. A deeper respect for those suffering from dementia lies in me now, and I wonder what life will be like as I age.

Please feel free to comment about your own experiences that occur regarding aging, or other thoughts you may have.